I JUST LOST JEREMIAH 5 TODAY.
I’m supposed to be paraphrasing that chapter right now. But I’m one-hour into working with tech support, trying to solve a mystery. (It took 2½ hours.) I wanted to know why I got an alert this morning that says someone named Norma has just gained administrative access to a system that controls my website. This is a normal part of a fulltime Bible paraphraser’s day.
Oops. Tech just cut out. He’s gone.
Now I have another tech, named Vishwaja, reviewing the past hour’s interaction.
Norma must die.
This has gotten out of hand
I’m not talking about tech support. I’m talking about paraphrasing The Casual English Bible.®
In the beginning was the word—and that’s all I had to deal with: words.
I didn’t have a Bible website. I didn’t have a worry, at least none worth writing about.
What I did have was a career in writing easy-reading Bible-background books. But along the way I began paraphrasing the Bible in the evening, after working on books during the day.
That was about a decade ago. I started paraphrasing the Bible while writing a book called, A Visual Walk Through Genesis. So, the paraphrase started with Genesis as a personal Bible study—and a way to help research the book I was writing.
I had no idea I would love doing it. After Genesis, I jumped to the New Testament story of Jesus, reported in the Gospel of Luke. And then on to the sequel written by Luke: Acts, the story of the birth of the church.
I have just three books to finish. I’m already four chapters into Jeremiah. Then on to Job and Ezekiel. Then done. And I’ll double back to improve and expand the maps and polish the paraphrase.
I haven’t written a book in several years, aside from the Bible paraphrase. I traded an income for a debited project.
Here’s what has gotten out of hand
I was going to tell you what I did today, but today fell to pieces.
So, I’ll tell you what I did yesterday, to help you get a sense of what’s going on. The list is in no particular order because the day felt that way.
A day in the life of a Bible paraphraser
- I wrote 19 emails.
- Read or deleted 155 emails, which are still coming in at 8:35 pm, but I’m walking away from my desk, skipping supper after a late lunch, and going to brush my teeth and play the harmonica with good breath. (Never happened. More emails came requiring action.)
- Last email at 10 p.m. with tech support over what appeared to be someone intruding into my YouTube account. I sometimes have to give access to other people working with me to help with marketing or search engine optimization. I turned out to be the problem.
- Helped an elderly lady who was having trouble figuring out how to pay for and download our maps. We chatted back and forth three times.
- Finished paraphrasing Jeremiah 3 and posting it onto the Casual English Bible website.
- Worked on selecting maps to print in the Casual English Bible New Testament. We have over 200 maps there and we can’t use most of them in a printed book. First pass shows 57 maps.
- Considering a workbook edition, with extra maps, footnotes, and chapter discussion questions.
- Contacted an email marketing person who’s going to help me get our maps into the hands of more students of the Bible. Added a note of encouragement because, like me, she was bummed about the election.
- Asked my freelance troubleshooter to look at a minor glitch on the website. Neither he nor the site developer saw an immediate fix. It’s still a glitch.
- Reviewed some annual photo books and calendars I created for the family, to make sure they looked good. They came in this week.
- Set up a meeting with a fellow Kansas Bible paraphraser to compare notes and get tips about where to find a good printer with “Bible paper” at 30-pound weight. Most print-on-demand publishers don’t go lower than 50-pound stock. But that will make for a thick New Testament.
- I asked our pastor if it’s okay for us to meet in the church café. It’s a nice space, but I’ve never had a sit-down meal-meet there and wasn’t sure of protocol. He clued me in.
- After school, I answered text messages from my third-grade granddaughter, who is getting to know her new Tablet. I’m letting her track me on my cell phone. Her dad said it was okay for the two of us to track each other going nowhere.
- Later she texted again because she and her sisters were afraid. There was apparently a screaming coyote outside the house, and Mom and Dad had gone out there with flashlights to check it out. I asked my granddaughter if it sounded like someone stepped on a cat or if it sounded like her little sister got attacked by a bat. She said it sounded like, “awooooooooooooooo woof woof woof woof.” I’m not sure that’s coyote. That sounds more like my grandpap, who used to make his own hard cider.
- I answered a friend of the Casual English Bible who was looking for a mug with some of our maps on it. I had designed a mug for family and close friends and supporters of the Bible website work we’re doing.
- I searched the internet, looking for people who may have pirated some of our maps by posting them without a license to publish. I hoped I wouldn’t find any. I found dozens. Scores. One pastor I contacted refused to pay the $10 licensing fee for the map. He hadn’t paid for the map or licensed it. Instead of paying the fee for the map he had already used, he pulled it off the church site. I didn’t pursue it. But I’m going to have to address piracy, whether it’s intended or unintended.
- Searched to see if there were any updates and upgrades in mapping software and techniques before I start work on maps for Jeremiah’s book.
- Called for CPAP supplies so I can get a good night’s sleep.
How to start fixing this
I missed walking Maizey the Dog. My wife walked her. I didn’t have time to write this blog either, though I had intended to do so.
That is one day. And I am one person.
I need more people.
That means I need to sell and license more maps. So, we’re going to be amping up The Casual English Bible® Map Store with a makeover. And we’re creating a subscription service that will license you to publish our maps as much as you like and as many times as you like. We have more than 950 maps, most in 3D style.
So, this is just a long-winded heads up.
Goodbye Norma
One last thing. We killed Norma. Digitally. She was never there. But we deleted the source of the false alarm.
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